10.17.2007 (Wednesday)

Final Exam

thanks for all the fish...

Dear friends, colleagues and passers-by:

I have been giving a lot of thought over the past year to blogging and how it relates to my life. I had originally created Brutal in 2000 to exercise the writer part of me because I have always loved to write (my field of study in college was journalism...). But it also had a lot to do with hitting a point in my life where I really didn't know what I wanted to do and I was so insecure in so many ways that the only way I could get any relief was to write. I guess making myself heard was the goal. For the most part, I have achieved that.

Now, in 2007, things are different. WAY different. I truly am nothing like the person I was in 2000. There are so many stories about *why* that is - too many to recount here...but if you troll through the archives you might be able to connect the dots in your own unique way(s) to discover "why". But right now, it's time to move on to new and possibly more exciting literary things. That said, this will be the final entry and the end of the Brutal blog.

Also, over the past several years, blogging has become so INCREDIBLY homogenized to the point of sheer boredom. For the handful of extremely talented writers, it remains a vital vehicle for communication and is a damn good medium for them. The flipside, however, is more dismal. A large majority of these blogs are just showing off *just* for the sake of showing off as their writing is poor, unexciting, fatally self-centered and content free.

While I believe that I have talent (and can be self-centered with the best of them), I have nothing to prove to anyone. Moreover, showing off has always been repellent to me and is contrary to my true nature. I'd rather not use Brutal as a vehicle to do that.

That's not to say that I won't create something else to occupy the urge to vent my creativity in a public setting, but at this point I'd almost rather write stories specifically for individuals as opposed to a mass audience. There is so much more that is satisfying and challenging about doing that, that it's become a bit of a side project for me. There might be a day when I publish some of those stories in a forum such as a blog. Maybe not. Or as an ex-manager of mine was fond of saying, "no promises".

I appreciate all of the comments people have made about Brutal, either via email or verbally. As an aside, two of my favorite comments were:

1) one friend who said that he enjoyed Brutal because it wasn't an online diary ( i.e., NOT stuff like: "I did this today", "I ate that today", etc...) and that I told "stories",


2) a long-lost girlfriend of my deceased high school friend Joe de Vera (go here for my blog entry about Joe), who just happened to do a Google search on his name, found my story about him, and ended up writing me to share her feelings about Joe with me. We had a short correspondence but afterward I felt SO much more connected than I had ever felt - not expecting my waxing poetic about Joe would ever result in that.

It for these two reasons plus ALL of the other comments folks have made, that I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

And now it's time to sign off. Thanks again for reading this blog for the past seven years. Take care.


Posted by wm. christman at 12:35 AM

•  all brutal entries
     Final Exam
     I Was Feeling Kind Of Ethereal
     Mercury Poisoning
     Amok Time
     Fire Works
     Standing Still
     Rabid Wolverine
     The Long Goodbye
     Wait And Want
     Quiet Desperation
     Stay Or Go, Stay Or Go
     Save Johnny Depp!
     Wet = Not So Bad
     Intentionally Lost
     Bag Freak
     Oz Abstract
     Persuade Me
     Green, Green, Green
     The Middle Of Somewhere
     Jetlag Blues and Pinks
     The Rush
     Gitcha Head Ready
     Beautiful Destination
     Hair On Fire
     Quiet Inspiration
     Going Underground
     A Bottle Of Leapers
     52 Card Pickup
     Twenty And One
     When The Water Falls
     Love Addict
     25th Floor
     Live Dreaming
     Baila Mi Hermana
     Promise Me
     Bridge Of Sighs
     In The Middle of The Lake
     The Late, Late, Really Late Show
     Oxygen Tank
     Earthquake Dreams
     The Valise, Part 3
     Waiting For Change
     あけましておめでとうございます! (Happy New Year)
     Bonenkai (忘年会)
     My Bud
     The Valise, Part 2
     Trust. Again.
     20th 19th Nervous Breakdown...
     The Valise, Part 1
     The Fix
     The Knife, Part 2
     The Knife, Part 1
     Writing Riddles
     Out (Tokyo 2006 Day 9)
     Journeys Taken (Tokyo 2006 Day 8)
     Hiking Kamakura (Tokyo 2006 Day 7)
     High Fashion Risks (Tokyo 2006 Day 6)
     Float. (Tokyo 2006 Day 5)
     Biggest. Muji. Ever. (Tokyo 2006 Day 4)
     High-End Living (Tokyo 2006 Day 4)
     Sentakuki! (Tokyo 2006 Day 3)
     Tamako Jitenshado (Tokyo 2006 Day 3)
     Running Research (Tokyo 2006 Day 3)
     Bed, Bath and Bento (Tokyo 2006 Day 2)
     Mapping Shimokitazawa (Tokyo 2006 Day 2)
     More Lazy Than Usual (Tokyo 2006 Day 2)
     What I'd Do For Ramen (Tokyo 2006 Day 1)
     This Is The Glory Day (Tokyo 2006 Day 1)
     Back In The Saddle (Tokyo 2006 Day 1)
     Welcome To The Terrordome
     Magic And Loss
     Time For Time
     Six O'Clock, Friday Morning
     Not Perfect Enough, Apparently
     Heart Shaped Box
     Studs Terkel Fucking Rules
     Final Distance
     Flat World
     Prove It
     Silent Treatment
     Human Food Saver
     Unintentional Victims
     Gym Bore Ree (part 3)
     Gym Bore Ree (part 2)
     Gym Bore Ree
     Oh Dismal Me
     Blank Generation
     Truth And Dedication
     The RJB Rock Company
     Poubelle 2005
     Lunar Sea
     Land of Extremes
     Dirty and Shining
     Into The Light
     The Trouble With Rope
     It's Showtime!
     Quack, Damn You
     Burning Frustration
     Super Bon Bon
     Just Five Miles
     From Another Planet
     50th vs. 18th
     Broken Warriors
     The Love Love Show
     On Second Thought
     Love Me, Hate Me
     時差ぼけ (Jisaboke = Jetlag)
     The Last (Day 10)
     The Best Ending (Day 9)
     Sakana & Shochu (Day 8)
     More Alone (Day 7)
     My Novel (Day 6)
     Niniku Gyoza (Day 5)
     Hakone (Day 4)
     Wrestle (Day 3)
     Bowls Of Smoke (Day 2)
     Tall and Grey (Day 1)
     Naked (Day 0)
     No, That's So Punk Rock
     Grist For The Treadmill
     Bazooka Joe's
     Hunter S. Thompson
     Freshly Wired
     Work-A-Day World
     So It Begins...
     Here It Ends...
     Tuesday Dinner (#3)
     Sick Of Cooking
     Dinner Numero Dos
     The Deli
     Gary Danko
     Up To No Good
     Under The Wire
     Open Seasoning
     More Faster
     Fascination street
     Bin Laden Blows Up The Moon!
     Freeway Terroristas
     Mandate My Ass
     John Peel, R.I.P.
     Uncooperative Penis
     The Usual
     Prince Albert
     Shut The Fuck Up
     Being Ben Fong-Torres
     But Then Again...
     Fear & Self-Loathing
     From The Brutal Mailbag...
     More Blah Than Blah
     Cellphone Pussies
     Kochira Hon Ikegami-sho
     World Record
     And So It Goes...
     Birthday Business Trip
     Who The Fuck Are You I Don't Care
     All Right Now
     Costa Mesa DMV
     The Bung And The Clueless
     Magnum's Secret Desire
     Phil Goldman
     Snoop Dogg Goblets
     Sensei? Hai!
     December barbecue
     Forays into purchasing power...
     Done...fucking done!
     Manhattan Friday
     Winter Feed 2003
     Character Assassination
     Redesign The Whole World...
     Nacchi and Kaorin
     Time off for good behaviour
     Japanese email pain part II
     Japanese email pain
     eBay or not...
     Mo' and mo' MoMusu
     Let's Knife
     Wish I May
     Fly Away
     Albert's Long Ride Home
     Mercado Central
     Horseback Boogie
     Thunderstorm Cubans
     Come On Baby Surfin' Safari
     El Pescador
     Surfing Rules. Surfing Sucks.
     Guatemala And The Guevarra Syndrome
     The World's Smallest Airport
     11 Years Of Drought Gone In An Instant
     But There IS A Plan...
     XLR8R 10th Anniversary
     Posting And Not Waiting
     The Vacation That Worked
     Wow! That's Almost As Big As My Husband's!
     Strip Searching Meat
     It's About That Time
     Santa Monica
     The Cycle
     Two Tub Man
     Clocking The Clocking Clockers
     Andy and Suszi Finally Get Hitched
     Save The Canadian Goths...Please.
     Bad News Day
     CNN And The Hollywood Backlot
     Aid And Comfort To The Enemy
     It Don't Come Easy
     I am NORMAL (redux)
     My oh my...it's DONE!
     New Software Time...
     Poubelle's Winter Feed 2002
     The Preparation
     It's Happening Again
     Masters Of The Universe and the Lords Of Light
     When This Is Over I'll Let Sleep Open The Door
     The Land Of 10,000 Fashionable Women...
     One Black Eye But Now I'm Smokin' Clean
     Aikido Eve
     Walk On The Left Side
     The WebTV KK Crew
     Trapped In An Elevator With Hamasaki Ayumi
     Shoplifting With Shelley at Tokyu Hands
     Countless Obsessions
     Seafood Nabe with Soma-san and Kazumi
     Stupid Fucking Tourists...
     Nothing Beats Walking
     Dinner with Kaba and Tai
     Feel Right At Home
     The Day Before The Next One
     Sexy Motherfucker
     Mad As Hell
     Time To Spill Some Beans
     Noel and Liam
     Food Glorious Food
     So Very Over
     The Wait
     Resetting Some Expectations
     It's Never Enough
     Not Flipping Out
     Drink Aikido...It's Good For You
     I Got Up...Then I Made Coffee
     And Now...The Other Shoe
     Tail of Stones
     Catch Up
     Home at Last
     Louisville Day 3 or Soft Winter Wheat
     Louisville Day 2 or Legalized Extortion on Our Highways
     Louisville Day 1 or How Can You Hate Kentucky?
     Anthony Bourdain is My Fucking Hero
     Random Running for the Door
     Fat Fuck
     Joe DeVera
     In Who We Trust
     Runner's Cramp
     Sweetbreads and Hard Sauce
     Beat Rapidly Until Stiff...
     The Best Damn Fried Chicken...
     Dusted At Danko's
     I Know the Pieces Fit...
     Disappearing Act
     Gumbo Day
     Wet Desert
     Cool Sheets
     Dry month ( Farmer's Almanac )
     An Open Letter to the Tottering King
     Just A Quick Note...
     Make Way For The Prophet Of Rage
     Nice Surprises
     Very Bad Things
     I May Be a Wimp but I'm A Pussy Too...
     Chin Spinach
     "Hey Man Hey, I Wanna Pick a Fight with You"
     Go to the Head of the...uh, Meat Counter
     Bandera Day
     Kicking Blenders, Telling Lies
     Work Damage Mood Swing
     A Low Spark of High Heeled Boys
     The Milestone
     So Tired
     Break In
     Vegetarian Day
     Stoked...and, er...Gyoza
     It's a Girl's Girl's Girl's Girl's Girl's World...
     Interesting Propositions
     I Guess I Just Don't Know...
     "You're Looking Very Severe Today"
     Zen Master of the Atmosphere
     Butter = Love
     Sacramento is Pretty Freakin' Hot
     Witchcraft and the Lack of Heat