10.17.2007 (Wednesday), 12:35 AM

Final Exam

thanks for all the fish...

Dear friends, colleagues and passers-by:

I have been giving a lot of thought over the past year to blogging and how it relates to my life. I had originally created Brutal in 2000 to exercise the writer part of me because I have always loved to write (my field of study in college was journalism...). But it also had a lot to do with hitting a point in my life where I really didn't know what I wanted to do and I was so insecure in so many ways that the only way I could get any relief was to write. I guess making myself heard was the goal. For the most part, I have achieved that.

Now, in 2007, things are different. WAY different. I truly am nothing like the person I was in 2000. There are so many stories about *why* that is - too many to recount here...but if you troll through the archives you might be able to connect the dots in your own unique way(s) to discover "why". But right now, it's time to move on to new and possibly more exciting literary things. That said, this will be the final entry and the end of the Brutal blog.

Also, over the past several years, blogging has become so INCREDIBLY homogenized to the point of sheer boredom. For the handful of extremely talented writers, it remains a vital vehicle for communication and is a damn good medium for them. The flipside, however, is more dismal. A large majority of these blogs are just showing off *just* for the sake of showing off as their writing is poor, unexciting, fatally self-centered and content free.

While I believe that I have talent (and can be self-centered with the best of them), I have nothing to prove to anyone. Moreover, showing off has always been repellent to me and is contrary to my true nature. I'd rather not use Brutal as a vehicle to do that.

That's not to say that I won't create something else to occupy the urge to vent my creativity in a public setting, but at this point I'd almost rather write stories specifically for individuals as opposed to a mass audience. There is so much more that is satisfying and challenging about doing that, that it's become a bit of a side project for me. There might be a day when I publish some of those stories in a forum such as a blog. Maybe not. Or as an ex-manager of mine was fond of saying, "no promises".

I appreciate all of the comments people have made about Brutal, either via email or verbally. As an aside, two of my favorite comments were:

1) one friend who said that he enjoyed Brutal because it wasn't an online diary ( i.e., NOT stuff like: "I did this today", "I ate that today", etc...) and that I told "stories",


2) a long-lost girlfriend of my deceased high school friend Joe de Vera (go here for my blog entry about Joe), who just happened to do a Google search on his name, found my story about him, and ended up writing me to share her feelings about Joe with me. We had a short correspondence but afterward I felt SO much more connected than I had ever felt - not expecting my waxing poetic about Joe would ever result in that.

It for these two reasons plus ALL of the other comments folks have made, that I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart.

And now it's time to sign off. Thanks again for reading this blog for the past seven years. Take care.


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