03.07.2006 (Tuesday), 12:14 AM

Human Food Saver

Zip and seal...

We bought one of those "food saver" devices recently. That, along with a new chest freezer, got some comments from Neville about moving up to Grass Valley with guns and explosives....but I digress. The little unit is pretty neato and I can now suck the living crap out of the air around any number of food items. Yee haw. Ordinarily, it wouldn't be that titliating but looking at the block of cheese encased in plastic got me thinking....

...about how I felt in a vacuum bed a few nights ago. For those unaware, a vacuum bed (also known as a rubber sauna, (snort...)) is a big (human body sized), zippered rubber bag with a pvc pipe frame on the inside. The pipe is drilled with evenly spaced holes and there is an outtake piece that sticks out of the side of the bag. That's where the vacuum comes in. One attaches a vacuum cleaner to this end and, voila, all the air is sucked out of the bag. Now put somebody inside the bag and...

Fortunately, there are strategically placed hole(s) in the bag so one can breathe while being Han Solo'd but overall the feeling is very unique. It is complete immobilisation and because the rubber is pliant (form-fitting, actually), it is exactly how you'd imagine being vacuum packed.

The rubber starts to smooth down over your body kind of slowly but almost algorithmically all of the air is voided leaving you completely immobile. It's that last rush of air leaving the bag that is probably the most amazing and semi-frightening feeling about this device - the rubber closes in on you really quickly. As long as you keep breathing (not difficult really as long as you're breathing through the vent hole), it's a pretty amazing feeling.

Of course, anything that is done to you outside of the bag is pretty amazing as well. And it's not like you're going to do anything about it either....so the submission is pretty complete. Not a bad way to spend an evening.

Posted by wjc