05.20.2005 (Friday), 07:01 PM

The Best Ending (Day 9)

...not the perfect ending but the best one...

After killing a whole slew of brain cells from drinking goma (sesame) and sato (sugar) shochu and eating a buncha really good food, it was back-to-back-to-back-to-back thoughts about what I really need to do to end my novel:

1) Don't rush it (or anything)
All things come in time, especially good things. Applied liberally to learning, writing, keeping friends...it's really the only way.

2) Realize the ideal is not often reality
But it CAN become reality at some point (see item 1). I tend to want things to happen quickly especially when DESIRE is the overriding emotion. And especially those things that I have wanted for a LONG TIME and all of a sudden they become within just a finger's reach yet just out of my grasp in that moment. It HURTS badly but it's the anticipation and expectation of the ideal that causes it...it's hard to realize that sometimes.

3) Keep trying to learn as much Japanese as possible
Every SINGLE day I'm here I am grateful for ANY ability I have to learn this delightful and sometimes puzzling language. And every SINGLE day I'm here I am humbled by just how much I DON'T know. It feels bad most of the time but getting over my bad fucking self is probably in order...a mistake is a mistake and is not necessarily anything to worry about.

Of course, this also means LISTENING because I can get so wrapped up in trying to form my next sentence that listening flies right out the window and I miss a bunch and probably appear to be a dumbass. Well, less of a dumbass than yesterday I suppose.

Epilogue:
This has nothing at all to do with my novel's ending which I really need to complete the story but it does a lot to explain the past few days. My unfinished business is yet to be finished and may never be finished but I'm ok with that. The possibility of it happening is all I need right now. Patience. Patience. Patience. And more patience.

That ending? I remain in the company of some of the best friends in the ENTIRE WORLD - four of which live here in Japan. And they remain in my heart, mind and thoughts every single day.

It really is the best and only ending I would want.

Posted by wjc