06.20.2004 (Sunday), 09:42 PM

Fear & Self-Loathing

...and in Japan of all places.

I was getting set to document my trip to Japan (June 3rd-June 13th) and in fact wrote four days worth of Brutal entries while I was there (in draft mode, 'natch) to kick it off.

But the sad fact is that, although my trip to Japan was very productive and it was ultra-nice to see my small handful of friends coupled with the fact that I'm always glad to be there, I just don't feel like rehashing the trip.

Well, some of it I wouldn't tell anyway but the rest is boring by any stretch. And actually, if you get right down to it, sometimes you can have a fantastic trip but there can be just one little thing that completely ruins it. So that's really what happened and, no shit, I REALLY can't recount that here. Probably for legal reasons. Probably.

So the past week has been one gigantic exercise in self-loathing and being made to feel guilty for something that I didn't even do. I didn't break any laws but I feel like a criminal. The U.S. Customs service (hah!) didn't brand me a terrorist threat yet I feel like I should be holed up in Tora Bora. And I sure as shit didn't have anything at all to do with Reagan's death although guys that want to get all up in my personal shit because they'd like nothing better than to see me GONE would not HESITATE to talk smack, shit, dank and skronk about me to pin that horrorshow on me.

Speaking of those types of people...my small but severe SHITLIST just got two persons larger in this time period as well and thoughts have turned to all manner of revenge which I'm sure would get me a 4 AM visit by the local coppers and a swift but wholly unwarranted ass-reaming. But again, some people would do anything to see me bent over as the main guest of a Secret Police truncheon party. Harumph.

But if you know me, you'll know that I very rarely go out of my way to offend or piss people off. If it (ever) gets to that point, I usually do it in a way to incinerate the bridge so COMPLETELY as to insure that the person will never have anything to do with me again. Hey, why waste valuable hate-time thinking about *if* we'll make up... Heh, we'll see if I'll have to play that card in the coming months. And when and if it comes, it will be very, very ugly.

Posted by wjc