09.11.2001 (Tuesday), 08:56 PM

Make Way For The Prophet Of Rage

The smoke and the fire and the death and the destruction...

I had wanted to start a really busy September off with tales from the Bandera smoker but words cannot begin to describe the anger that is seething through me as I see that godammned plane slam over and over and over and over again into the World Trade Center tower. I have been sitting getting more numb by the minute. This is not happening.

When I woke up this morning, NPR said a plane crashed into the Pentagon. "Hmmm", says I, "that sucks. It must have been a mechanical malfunction." Bob Edwards of NPR then says "and if you haven't already heard, two planes slammed into the World Trade Center towers." OK, now I'm REALLY FUCKING AWAKE.

Through the day, nothing is untouched by the coverage. The usually idiotic morning guys on KSJO have parted the fart-joke-prank-call stream and provide nonstop coverage. "The buildings have collapsed", they say. I don't believe it.

Dave B. calls me on the cellular as I'm three blocks from the office. "Hey, do you know that we're not working today?", he asks quizzically. "No, but I'm not there yet...I'll see you in a few minutes." Sure enough David C., Mandie and some of the other engineers I work with are walking away from the building. It's true. Take the day off.

Once inside, Dave, Stacey, Bobby and I are glued to the television. Then I see it. It's like watching "Die Hard VIII, Die Harder Than You've Ever Died Before". THE FUCKING WORLD FUCKING TRADE CENTER IS FUCKING COLLAPSING! Just like those TLC specials about the history of dynamite and demolition of buildings only THIS TIME THERE ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKING PEOPLE IN THOSE BUILDINGS! "OK, guys. Time to go, they're locking up the building in a few minutes", someone tones, breaking the silence, as we peel ourselves away from the TV.

On the way home, Congressman Orrin Hatch is on the radio. He says something about "well, the Clinton administration is to blame...". You know what Orrin? Fuck you. Fuck you and all of the partisan assholes who would DARE to take advantage of this terrible time. I hope you go straight to hell.

I get home and Jan's also glued to the TV. As I watch, the tears begin to fall. Regular guys and gals going about their business, family men and women, visitors to one of the most exciting cities in the fucking WORLD...all crushed in an instant of sheer, screaming metal terror. Was it really worth it? The absolute FUCKS who pulled this off have already gone to hell. And so now, I cannot shoot them with round after round after round of 9mm ammo until their bodies turn to mush. I cannot dance around on their mutilated bodies until they are dried out patches of blood and bone. I wish I could. I wish I could.

Then they show Jerusalem and all of the celebrations. It sure must be something to be so into your beliefs that you'd celebrate the deaths of thousands of innocent people. Rage builds and I have to go outside just to stop from putting my foot through the TV. Throughout the day, the same scene repeats itself: watch the reports--go outside and silently scream--watch the reports--go outside and silently scream.

As I sit here in my somewhat cozy home with all of my belongings, I have to stop and think what life would be like if it was all taken away. I cannot begin to imagine the utter terror for the survivors affected by this and how they must now simply DEAL. The people who died are gone and now everyone is just left to DEAL.

I phoned my friends Denise (lives in Washington DC) and Dave (lives in midtown Manhattan) and they're both ok. Dave saw a bit of it and ended up walking home in the late morning. He said that "it's just really weird". In both conversations, we talk about friends who didn't go to work today, or had an appointment that kept them away from work today, or just happened to forget something today and how lucky they were to be alive, or someone who used to work in the towers. "I'm sure we'll spend most of the day hearing about our other friends who worked in the WTC", Dave says. "I'm not looking forward to it."

And as I still sit here in my somewhat cozy home with all my belongings, I need to turn off the TV, leave the radio silent and get out and away. Somehow, I don't think that will turn off the constant news reports that are and will be firmly lodged in my brain for the foreseeable future. I feel the screaming of a thousand souls lost in the name of revenge. I haven't been this sad in a long, long time.

Posted by wjc