08.10.2001 (Friday), 09:14 PM

Kicking Blenders, Telling Lies

The buzzsaw sizzle of pan-fried hamburgers beckons me...it's time to visit the butcher...

We went to dinner with our friend Beth tonight and she, as usual, called me a slut. OK, I'll cop to that in many different ways because I like the term and the image but what I really, really am is a food slut. (Wait...I already checked, "foodslut.com" is taken...damn.)

You could call me a food nerd, food geek or food slut...they all apply. I will do (almost) anything for good food. I will buy gadgets and cookware and other paraphernalia until I run out of money. I will buy potatoes for $3.75 a pound just because they are they best for making french fries. What? You've got a chunk of fois gras? $50.00 a pound? Gimme a pound.... Radio controlled temperature gauge...uh, I need three.

When I get together with "the guys", we don't talk about the pipe we laid last night (uh, not that I would anyway, like I'm married, you know...) or the 424 cubic inch, hemi engine in our tricked-out boss cars or any of that. Nope. We talk...kitchen equipment:

"Damn, did you see that Kitchen Aid mixer? No, the real cherry one is the grey one. Dude, that mixer is the shit...if I had the scratch, I'd buy up one and trick it out with a grinder and sausage attachment. Then I'd re-nonstick that dough hook too...that would kick ass."

"Oh yeah, I got this killer All-Clad sauté pan. You know the one with the professional finish and wicked stay-cool handle? Yeah, you know it--it's sweeeet. I got the rig all fired up and I seared that New York Strip off the line in about four minutes flat per side and left my other pan in the dust of my pot rack. That piece of meat was begging for it so my old lady and I double-teamed on it..."

Food slut. Next thing you know, I'll be trolling for heavy-duty tongs and kitchen knives in the alley behind Williams-Sonoma dressed in my see-through chef whites and waist high, fuck-me, black-and-white houndstooth checkered polyester chef pants. C'mon, I know a place where we can have a party...

Posted by wjc